Look around and you see anger expressed every day. It is the most powerful and hurtful emotion we possess. Yet, the average person succumbs to it helplessly, even willingly, lapsing into insane emotional episodes now and again without thinking much about it. Many would defend anger as if it were an ally, a tool they would not and could not live without.
Anger is expressed by humanity in drastically different ways. Low-minded individuals take great delight in being angry toward others and expressing that anger in aggressive and violent ways—gang wars, robbery, vandalism and more. They deliberately use anger and violence to get what they want from life. Then there are the mass of generally law-abiding people who live a normal, working life but are seriously angry on the inside about one thing or another and express that anger regularly in their words and actions. They are simply angry at life, and they have neither the means nor the motivation to eliminate anger from their experience. Little do they know how negatively their anger affects their own consciousness.
Finally, there are those who are striving to follow spiritual principles but are at times unable to control their anger and as a result end up hurting others and breeching Hinduism's core principle of nonviolence, ahimsa, as well as creating new negative karmas to live through in the future. It is to these individuals, who are striving to control anger, even eliminate it from their pattern of behavior, that this article is addressed.
To improve our understanding and control of anger, it is helpful to look at the concept of the three-fold nature of man: 1) superconscious or spiritual, 2) intellectual or mental and 3) instinctive or physical-emotional. It is the instinctive nature, the animal-like nature, that contains the tendencies to become angry and harm others. The goal of religious life is to learn to control these animal instincts—as well as the ramifications of the intellect and the pride of the ego—and thereby manifest one's spiritual nature. Spiritual striving produces gradual improvement in harnessing and transmuting our instincts, intellect and ego, with the entire process of soul evolution spanning many incarnations.
Anger is the instinctive behavior of responding to challenging situations by becoming frustrated, upset, enraged, even to the point of attacking others with words or fists. Clearly, understanding and controlling anger is an important part of controlling our instinctive nature.
The 2,200-year-old South Indian scripture on ethics, the Tirukural, devotes an entire chapter to the subject. It is, in fact, the chapter that precedes "Avoidance of Injuring Others." The order of these chapters itself suggests that to successfully practice nonviolence we need to first control anger. The Tirukural warns that anger gives rise to teeming troubles. It kills the face's smile and the heart's joy. Left uncontrolled, it will annihilate a person. It burns even friends and family who try to intervene, and easily leads to injuring others.
A few years ago we had a perfect opportunity to observe intense anger. Two carpenters were building a house next door to our monastery in Hawaii. One of them, James, was more prone to anger than the other. Every few minutes, when something didn't work out right, he would react by swearing loudly and at length. About once a week the two men would have a heated argument, and James would drop his tools, stomp off the job and drive away with tires squealing in defiance. For me, living in the anger-free monastery, this was a rare opportunity to study the kind of day-to-day anger that is an accepted part of life for many people.
People's natures are quite different in their tendency to anger. Some are usually calm, but occasionally flare up. Others anger quite easily. Many people are selective about whom they get angry with—perhaps just their spouse or their offspring.
My Gurudeva, Satguru Sivaya Subramuniyaswami, observed that anger is the most difficult fault to overcome, because it manifests in so many different forms: pouting, long silences, shouting, yelling, swearing and more. In Living with Siva, Gurudeva lists the eight forms of anger from the book Angry All the Time. These are called the eight rungs on the ladder of violence.
1: Sneaky Anger: You act and speak normally but purposely neglect to do certain tasks others have asked you to do, pretending that you forgot all about the duties.
2: The Cold Shoulder: You shun another person and make it clear you are mad about something. However, you absolutely refuse to let him or her know what it is.
3: Blaming and Shaming: You fault others for something that happened and then tell them they are "no good" in order to make them feel shame.
4: Swearing, Screaming, Yelling: You lose control over your speech and scream and yell at others. Those who have a habit of swearing are most prone to this form of anger.
5: Demands and Threats: You demand that others behave as you want them to or threaten you will do something drastic if they don't, such as hurt them or yourself.
6: Chasing and Holding: You approach or pursue others and physically restrain them against their will and prevent them from leaving your presence.
7: Partly Controlled Violence: You physically strike someone for the purpose of forcing him or her to do what you want, but without losing control.
8: Blind Rage: You physically attack a person with total loss of control, to the extent that, when you return to normal consciousness, you may not even remember the incident.
Many people think that sneaky anger and the cold shoulder are natural and harmless. Gurudeva warns that, while they are not as vicious as yelling and screaming or throwing objects against the wall, these practices stimulate the lower chakras and over time can easily lead to the more violent expressions of anger, as well as the experience of other lower-chakra emotions, such as fear and jealousy. For these reasons, it is best not to indulge even in anger's less intense expressions: sneaky anger and the cold shoulder.
Sarcasm and cynicism can also be forms of anger. Gurudeva said, "People who are cynical are expressing their anger and contempt with snide remarks. They may seem to be joking, but their sharp feelings come across anyway, which stimulates that lower chakra until one day their cynicism will turn into really good anger. Then they build up new karmas they never had before, which they will live with until they are faced with those karmas."
Swearing is even more problematic, as it stimulates the lower chakras to a greater degree than sneaky anger, the cold shoulder or cynicism. Therefore, in managing anger it is essential to break the habit of swearing.
For those on the spiritual path who are striving to control anger, the first step is to acknowledge that anger is a serious problem that easily leads to hurtfulness and even violence. It should be restrained, overcome and eventually eliminated from the life of all sincere seekers.
I offered the following advice via e-mail to a devotee who was working to refrain from expressing occasional anger toward a parent: "Thank you for sharing the details regarding your angry encounters with your parent. I would suggest you reflect on the seriousness of disharmony in the home. When you do sadhana, you move forward. But if you become angry regularly, you step backward, and as a result you could end up standing still. It is like trying to save money for a special purpose. You save for a while, but then become angry, which is like spending what you saved for the last month. It is difficult to make your financial goal. By taking anger more seriously, you are more motivated to avoid it at all costs."
The devotee recently e-mailed again saying the advice had helped her cope with the force of anger. She had taken the first step—acknowledging that it is a serious problem, an unacceptable mode of behavior for those on the spiritual path. With this resolve firmly in mind, she was ready to take the second step, which is to apply remedies to improve her behavior. First we will look at some general remedies, that is to say ones that are applicable to all situations. Then we will look at a few remedies for specific circumstances.
The first remedy is to affirm the Hindu philosophy that everything in the universe is perfect. Anger is an instinctive-emotional protest to what is happening at a particular moment. "Things are just not right!" anger declares. The source of peace and contentment is the opposite sentiment—a wholesome, intelligent acceptance of life's conditions, based on the understanding that God has given us a perfect universe in which to grow and learn, and each challenge or seeming imperfection we encounter is an opportunity for spiritual advancement.
The second remedy is a first-aid technique to apply during angry outbursts. It is to visualize light blue flooding out from the center of your spine into your aura, displacing the blackish reds that anger automatically displays in the colorful field of subtle energy radiating within and around your body. Mystically, this has the effect of moving your awareness out of the angry state of mind into a more peaceful mood.
The third remedy is to worship Lord Ganesha, the elephant-faced Lord of Dharma, a compassionate God, ever available to assist embodied souls with immediate needs to further their evolution. His worship is helpful in overcoming all emotional problems, including anger.
Remedy four is to put a sum of money, such as ten rupees, in a jar each time you become angry and then donate that money to an orphanage. It soon becomes too expensive to get angry!
The fifth remedy is to skip the next meal after you become angry. The consequence of being denied food impresses the instinctive mind quickly as to the consequences of expressing anger.
Remedy six, the flower penance, is a way of letting go of angry feelings that you hold toward another person. Offering a flower, with a loving heart, to a picture of the person each day for thirty-one days has the effect of dissolving the resentment and awakening forgiveness—be it toward a parent, spouse, employer, sibling or friend. While making the flower offering, feel a sincere forgiveness and acceptance of the person in your heart.
The seventh remedy is to perform three kindly acts toward someone who has disturbed you. For a loved one or close acquaintance, the acts can be performed openly. For others, such as business associates, employers or fellow employees, your good deeds may be done subtly, even without their knowledge.
In conclusion, the tendency to become angry can be harnessed by reflecting upon the nature of anger and acknowledging that it is a serious breach of conduct for those desiring to make progress on the spiritual path. The next step is to apply one of the seven remedies after each outbreak of anger and in that way harness and transmute anger into higher forms of expression and ultimately be free of it altogether.
